Radical self compassion for really shitty times!
Not everyday is going to be chocolate covered cherries & herbal tea. So, What do you do when you notice your sliding into the black hole of misery?
The worst times of my life brought me the greatest gifts for everyday use in my life. Funny how when life dishes out poooo...It also dishes out some pretty valuable lessons!
The first year of my separation before my divorce was brutal. The ups were never very up. And the downs lasted for days on end. I found it hard (almost impossible) to keep my chin up when every aspect of my life, I felt like I was a whale flailing on the sea shore.
I spent a year feeling like the life was being sucked out of me little by little. In that year I also realized how god damn resilient I am. That I've been through worse and made it. And that I will make it through this as well.
The kicker was realizing that this is just another bump in the road and how I am feeling today,will not be where I am a month from now, a year from now or 5 years from now. Allowing myself the luxury to heal, to be angry, sad & depressed needed to happen for me to be able to embrace all the lessons & gifts that were there for me all along.
The best gifts are the ones we get when we start to become compassionate for ourselves....
Step 1 ~ Embrace the truth. The situation sucks. It's not ideal. Not even close to where you want to be, but it's better than it was. The truth is not going to be easy for you to swallow. Embracing your truth means owning every part of your life. The good, the bad & the fuckin ugly! And yes, some of it's pretty damn ugly. You will also feel this huge weight lifted from your soul when you admit & own your part to things falling apart. You may notice this huge shift of feeling angry & sad to empowered & free from all the mistakes and mishaps that have shaped your life up til this point. It's pure freedom at it's best, to own it, forgive yourself & to release the pain & past to where it belongs...In the past.
Step 2 ~ Kuddos to YOU!! Yup, give yourself a huge hug & pat on the back for taking back your life!! When you lose a job, get divorced, make a giant transition in any aspect of your life your going to feel uneasy, uncertain & panicky. It's normal. All of those things bring up tons of emotions that are not easy to filter. But given space, quiet time & self love will bring more joy & clarity to every aspect of your life!! So step 2 is about praising you for stepping into the unknown, facing those fears head on & being brave enough to do it anyways. Give yourself lots of self nurturing. You deserve it!
Step 3 ~ A little more honesty. You've owned your shit. You're learning to love the new you and your brave new scary life. Now comes some more deep peeling. Scrubbing those layers off and getting down to the core of who you are now & where the heck do you intend on going? Do you have a clear idea of what you want your new life to look like? Or are you still sitting in a pit of uncertainty? This was a biggie for me. It sucked deeply, but was so necessary to moving past my old life and all the luggage that was stranging the very breath out of me. I needed to do an overhaul. And it required some deep truths, honest answers & tough love boundaries. Your life isn't going to change if you don't change your surroundings and how you did things that got you into the mess you were in. It will all fall back into the same ugly patterns if you're not aware of how it got there in the first place. So I ask you these questions?
*Do you surround yourself with loving, positive people? Including your family?
*Do you pay attention to your wallet? If you want more money in your life, than you need to embrace money all together. It means practicing paying your bills with gratitude that you have the money to pay them. Learning to be responsible with your money and not throwing it away on things that bring temporary happiness. Using your money to build a life you value, not on every sale you see because it's on sale. Get real with what you value in your life and put your money there. See how it multiplies in that area. Practice gratitude daily. Give every chance you can. It all multiplies where you are putting your energy & soul.
*Are you doing things in your life that make you happy? Or are you doing the things you think are expected of you?
*Are you leading your own life? Or is someone else determining your direction?
*Are you being faithful to your dreams & desires?
*Are you fully putting your happiness first & taking care of you, so that you have a full cup of energy for when others need you?
*Are you clinging to past rules & guidelines that are no longer applicable in your life, but you have always been told & shown this his how you are suppose to live?
These truths will set you free of guilt, expectations & leading a life based on how others are leading theirs. Your life is yours....My golden rule now~I will live my life and let others live theirs. I will lead by example not by telling.
Step 4 ~ Phew....Tough stuffs done. Or at least a big chunk of it.
Celebrate your wins!!! More self love. Self nurturing and gift giving to YOU! Creating a new life isn't easy. It's a constant state of motion. Never ending. Always learning. In my little corner of the world I blissfully accepted responsibility for own life being where it is & where it's going. One of the ways I do this, is by creating a non-negotiable list. These are things I do in my life to keep me on track, focused and devoted to my own well being. It's a serious thing being fully responsible for your own stuff and not letting daily life interfere with your agenda. Non-negotiables are just that. They are not up for debate. They are done every day, once a week, monthly or however you choose to set it up. But whatever you choose is set in stone for YOU! Nothing stops you from doing these few things that fuel you. That keep you sane, focused & in~tune with what you truly value and want in your life. I have 3 of them that I do daily and nothing else get's done or bumps them off my list. Part of life leadership is I get to choose what's important to me. Every morning I do meditation, journal writing & a gratitude list. It comes before showing, work & daily living. It's my way of showing ME that I love & respect myself. I would highly suggest creating a non-negotiable list for your life. It embraces & empowers you to take your well-being seriously above & beyond everything & everyone.
Step 5 ~ Visions. They show you where to go. They help you gain clarity, stay focused and be present in every aspect of the new found life you are creating. I use both vision boards & art journaling as my vehicle to clarity. Whatever you choose, have fun with it. Get to know you and your crazy dreams on a much deeper level. You will be surprised at some of the things you truly never allowed yourself to think possible, all of the sudden you put it out there and you begin to think in a more, how can I achieve this method vs. that's too far fetched, I'll never get there way. What you put out there is doable. It's all achievable. You just need to be crystal clear and journaling with vision boards are magic. They are like the crystal ball to your most profound dreams & desires.
Life isn't always going to be easy, but it's always possible to learn, get clear & move in a better more focused direction. You simply have to want a new way of living.
I'm the biggest advocate of women changing their lives. Going from nothing to fucking awesome is so really possible and I'm here to help you get there!
I believe in my heart that we are all put here for a reason, something bigger than we can wrap our minds around. For me it's working with women who have had to overcome great obstacles and are ready to venture into the uncertain & miraculous world of business ownership. Business ownership is truly a profound vehicle to change your world in ways you never dreamt possible.
Let's start dreaming BIG!!
What's your dream? What obstacles or adversities are you struggling with? How can I help? I've totally been there. I came from a seriously dysfunctional family, never had any family support or direction. Carried that right over into a unhappy marriage of 20 years and became horribly depressed and some days the only thing keeping me alive, was the love of my two girls. I bottomed out and the risk of staying in my marriage became like a death wish. It was get out or die. So I chose to leave. Broke, I had just lost my job, watched a loved one die of brain cancer, had no family support, lost my house and through it all....I knew I made the right choice.
Which is why I know you can too. Build a business, change your life & watch miracles happen right before your very eyes.
I'm here for you!
I scribble about business & life after 40. I've got no time for BS, bad coffee or crappy relationships! Profanity is a wonderful stress management TOOL. I use it often.