Let me be clear that this is not a NEW YEARS RESOLUTION. This is simply me being super aware of the many tricky mind/heart/soul games that we all play with ourselves at one time or another in our lives. The awesome part about any of these crazy little demons, is that awareness and learning to sit in the uncomfortableness is often enough to push through, pass over, or go around any challenge you may find yourself in. It's all in your acute awareness, embracing the icky feeling and letting it ALL go.
Here we go: 10 little devils that will try their damnedest to trick you up, get you stuck and leave you hanging...
Ditch em' for a super, brilliant, happy, joyous 2014 (there's nothing to lose, I promise)
Are you an over-thinker? Do you try to think of the best possible blog, creation, outfit, business idea etc? To the point where all you do is think?
Thinking isn't doing. If your not doing, your not getting anywhere. Stop being a perfectionist, over-thinker and get moving. If it scares the shit out of you to put something out there, that is less than perfect...I have a really awesome hint for you. YOU JUST DO IT ANYWAYS! Do you really think the world is going to end because it doesn't meet your standards. Nope...Life isn't all about us, now is it?
2. Searching for...
.Are you one of these people who always has to have all the information in place before you make a sound choice? Are you constantly searching for an answer to life's little questions? Do you feel that you can not move forward without all the info? If this sounds like you, you may be forgetting one key component. Part of searching for anything is living in the present moment, and sucking up each fabulous part of your journey. If your constantly at a stand still, looking, searching, your not living! The journey of life, will provide answers, so long as you have two things ~ movement & faith.
Here's a really ugly horned demon if ever I saw one. It comes in the form of comparison, jealousy, distrust, envy, and hatred. If your green at the gills, it's time to turn up your heart tuner, and really listen to your own self. Why are you comparing? What are you jealous of? Why are you not truly grateful and happy for what wonderful blessings you have in your own life? It's time to give yourself hugs. Be super gentle with your own heart and know that it is in the right place, just going about things the wrong way. Comparing yourself to others can be cured, so not to worry! It just takes a lot of self compassion and understanding! Repeat after me: I AM WONDERFUL! I AM LOVE! I AM COURAGEOUS! Believe it, we all are, all these things and more! Each of us, has our own special place in this world. Comparing is egos way of tricking you into thinking that you are separate. None of us are separate. We are one with unique qualities to help one another. As soon as you start thinking in terms of being part of something bigger, it takes the oomph right out of jealousy, envy, or comparing!
4. People pleasing
Of course it would be nice to please everyone...Wouldn't it? I'm gonna guess that it really wouldn't be all that appealing. We wouldn't learn, grow, or make progress if we didn't challenge each others thoughts, ideas, and ideals. It's that varied opinion that keeps the worlds momentum moving, opinions changing, perspectives altering. So rather than waste your energy on something that is simply impossible, why not explore pleasing ourselves, sticking to our own guns, and running down our own paths, and those who resonate will partner up, and those who don't will build their own road/path/vision and idea for others to resonate with. Different ideas, cultivate learning, cultivation blossoms into full blown revolutions!
5. Resistance to....
Usually this comes in the form of subtle procrastination. Things just seem to pop up that need your attention NOW, and it's just subtle enough to divert you from your original plan! Be very AWARE! It's everywhere....
Wouldn't it be nice if there was such thing, as a sure thing?! But we all know it isn't so. We can make calculated guesses, we can weigh the pros and cons, but there is no guarantee to life turning out just the way we would like it. It's about trusting yourself, believing in your own inner guidance system, and making choices that you know in your heart are right for you. Then even if it fails, you still win, because you listened to your heart and tried! Uncertainty paralyses wonderful folks all the time, for very long periods of time. It's sad that so many people waste so much of their lives playing it safe because the uncertainty scares the bejesus out of em'. There are little ways to lesson the pain, and make choices easier...More on that later!
7. Attachment to Outcomes
This ties in with Uncertainty. Letting go, I know not always an easy option, but really when you see how it aids in staying stuck you will see it's an essential to making choices that clearly your heart/head/soul wants to do but doesn't dare. Part of being uncertain is about your emotional attachment to the outcomes. By releasing that attachment your emotions are not getting tangled up in the web of uncertainly & outcomes. We don't know what tomorrow holds. I can't guarantee that by switching jobs to the one you think you will like better is going to be a perfect fit. But when you stop hanging on to the idea that it's a perfect fit, it's much simpler to move on to something else when it doesn't meet your needs or desires. Basically it comes down to less emotional attachment to outcomes = more freedom to make choices and try new things. Your not being weighed down with all the what ifs.
Guilt comes in many forms, but whatever form it is, it's usually a negative energy eater and will make you suffer unnecessarily. We all make mistakes, there isn't a single individual who has a perfect track record in life's choices, so you can stop beating yourself up NOW! The point of guilt is to make you feel bad. Why the heck does anyone want to walk around feeling beat up!? If your hanging on to guilt, do yourself a favor, FORGIVE YOU! Play nice with yourself for a change, the same way you would forgive a friend who wronged you, and wanted your forgiveness. If you saw that they had changed, learned from their mistake and was taking every opportunity to make things right...you would forgive them. So why not give that gift to YOU! Life is too short too hold on to what's not serving your inner guidance system and I can assure you that guilt has no purpose other than to hold you down and keep you in the past.
Another note on guilt. This is for the people pleasers who always feel bad for not doing enough. For not saying yes every-time that someone asks you to do something. It's not your responsibility to be there for every one, every time, for every thing. Think about how crazy that sounds by itself, and the next time you feel that knot of guilt in your stomach when someone asks you to extend yourself more than you feel comfortable with....SAY NO! And then seriously let it go!! There's only so much of each and every one of us to go round. If you want MORE joy, serenity, happiness in your life, than you need to stick to your guns and do what feels right in your life, not what you think is expected of you. That's more in your own head than anyone elses.
This is something I am slowly...I mean slowly learning through working my business. Thinking I need to be crystal clear of everything before I put it out there. Guess what...It's a sure fire trick to staying STUCK! There isn't a crystal ball, to give me the perfect road map to nailing down how my business should work. There is always going to be sound advice, people who have done that, been there. There are multiple ways to learn, explore, discover ways to do everything. But each individual way that someone has done something is going to be slightly different from how you choose to do something. Guidelines can be a useful tool in providing a light on your path to where you are going, but again it's a light, it's not the path. The path is of your OWN choosing. Whatever it is that you want more of, someone out there is a guiding light to help you find your way on your path. Rather than searching for clarity, try exploring multiple options and trust your gut/heart to what feels right. Learn rather than duplicate. Partner up rather than following. Trust instead of wanting the sure thing. If you really need that crystal ball...Try listening to your heart. It's about the best crystal ball I know!
10. Fear of.....
There are varying degrees of fear for everything you can imagine. I have a horrible fear of heights..I think that's why God made me 5' tall...:) I'm not a fan of spiders, but think snakes are pretty darn cool. I love the sound of the ocean, it's where I grew up, but I'm not the strongest swimmer in the world. My fears to me are real, but I don't let them dictate how I live my life. I still go out on boats every summer, I fish every chance I get. I garden despite the fact that there are spiders every where. I can't imagine a life without growing my veggies and herbs because I have a fear of spiders. It even sounds crazy!!
So what happens when your fear is not of a thing, but something created in your own mind? Those fears become a little harder to run from. You can't step on it, take swimming lessons or slowly put your fear of heights to rest by climbing hills to bigger hills to mountains. Fears of the heart and mind are much harder to resolve and will keep you in a comfortable choke hold until you simply can't breathe anymore. I seriously know of some people that spend most of their lives gasping for breathe until the day they pass. It's sad, and I am sure if you look around you will see people like that in your life, that they are miserable but staying in that misery has become their comfort zone. And it certainly beats the UNKNOWN. Isn't that how fear works?
You have two fears in life. The fear you feel every day when you wake up, that one you have been living with for years. It may be your unhappy marriage. The job you despise. Your best friend who drains every ounce of energy from you. The extra weight you put on over the summer. The mountain of unopened bills, because you simply don't have the money to pay them, so you ignore them. Or it could be that you just feel empty and something is lacking. Rather than trying to figure it out, you sit with the fear of emptiness because really you could have it worse, right? And then their is the fear of the unknown. What I can tell you about the unknown is, it's not here yet! If you can wrap your heart around the unknown being something made up in your own mind, than you are well on your way to conquering the biggest fear of them all!
Fear in whatever shape it takes will stifle the life right of you eventually. It will be slow, often not painful at first, and it will be persistent. The pain comes from your heart, and by you choosing to not listen you are growing that fear until you have two choices....Either you accept your life will be nothing more than a painful, fearful, empty shell or you decide that fear of uncertainty and unknown is looking far brighter than the life you are living now! How did I get to that point? 20 years in a very dead marriage, I decided I would rather be broke, and alone than feel alone in Yuppie, suburbia, middle class, fakeville. I'm sure some of you have experienced the feeling of being at an event with hundreds of people, talking about b.s. that really didn't matter in the whole scheme of life, and wanting to scream at the top of your lungs....There's more to life than what your f'n hair color is, or your BMW got a scratch, the landscaper forgot to fertilize the rose bushes, and poor little Deede didn't get into that IVY league prep school. The feeling of being alone, despite being surrounded by many folks. When it got to the point where I just felt so lonely, isolated, and could no longer relate, I was taking on water. Drowning by the day. It was either drown and bury myself to a life that didn't fit, or start treading water til I could swim my way out of that tidal pool. And so I tread water. Than I swam, and that's pretty much how I live. When I'm tired, I do the back float til I have some energy or new found brainstorm. That brainstorm fuels my swimming.
Fear will drown you if you let it. You've got to learn to tread til you have more energy to swim!!
Some of these are easier said than done. I know first hand how exhausting it can be when you are trying to unravel a life time worth of bad habits. But I can assure you by exploring ways to ditch these 10 energy suckers your life will improve dramatically. Even if you only worked on a couple at a time. Life will improve. After starting this blog post and seeing how rather lengthy it was getting, I have decided that I am going to break it into Two parts. Part one ~ 10 things to ditch for 2014 and Part 2 ~ Practical ways to ditch your 10 energy suckers. Because again, easier said than done, so I felt it only becomes doable when their are actually steps to help make these things easier to achieve. I love simple so I promise to not over do the steps. My life is based on simplicity and practicality. How good is a book, if the steps are so complicated and over thought that you can't use it daily? It's not! So next week I will lay some ground work for a really simple, practical, every day plan that can be used all year easily without much thought. Failure isn't an option, it's about cultivating, action, and progression. Simple progress....
In closing I would like to include my OWN personal energy suckers that I am working on, so my 2014 can be spectacular as well.
1. Over-thinking ~ My personal mantra, Less thought, more doing!
2. Attachment to Outcomes ~ Whatever happens, happens. I will keep taking the next step.
3. Clarity ~ No one has all the answers. Living in the moment will provide what I need at that time.
I want to wish every one, Happy Holidays from the depths of my heart! I hope it's filled with blessings, love, joy and happiness but most of all surrounded by those you love and that love you!
((LOTS OF HUGZ))